


Touch

by DefWangSoul



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alcohol, Drugs, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Shotgunning, Smoking, Social Anxiety, Too Many Thoughts, but really just a little hint, mention of drugs, this is too contemplative, touches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 12:57:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefWangSoul/pseuds/DefWangSoul
Summary: The first and so longed-for real touch.





	Touch

**Author's Note:**

> Why i always get the inspirations at 1am, i have no idea. This was actually inspired by other shotgunning work i read recently. And also i had too many thoughts in my mind recently, so this is how it ends. Anxiety is getting on me slowly.  
> I have tried shotgunning only once but i needed to write it down because reasons.  
> Enjoy my depressive thoughts.

~ ~ ~

She found him outside, just where she thought he would be. Never wanting to disturb him from his thoughts, but at the same time, she wanted to be with him. Next to him. _Near_ him. She never thought of having feelings for him like that, but there she was. Drunk, at the party she wasn’t even invited to, creeping dizzily around the place. She was careful at first, not to bump into others when elbowing her way in no particular direction. The smoke was everywhere, she couldn’t see faces but she didn’t even want to see. There was only one face she wanted to see. The only face she was comfortable with because it was so pleasant to see, so soft, features as if the angel himself was standing in front of her. Skin so soft and flawless that every woman prays for having at least partially such perfect complexion. But we can´t have all the nice things sometimes.

She stood next to him, their elbows touching just a little, creating just the right amount of contact so that it is not uncomfortable. She knew Yugyeom doesn’t like touches much. From the little she knew about him, this was the thing which stayed in her mind whenever she thought of him. Why? Because everytime he popped in her mind, for some reason she wanted to be the one to heal him from this feeling. She wanted to show him, it´s okay to touch and to be touched by someone who is close to you, who understands you. She never tried to do it though. She was too afraid he might get angry and anxious. That he would never talk to her again. As usual, her thoughts were now intensified by the amount of alcohol that ran through her veins.

Maybe that was also the reason she felt so comfortable with Yugyeom. Because he didn’t judge her. Unlike everyone else. But who could tell her anything? She was adult, independent, she could do whatever the hell she wanted. He didn’t judge her, not a single time they met like this. In this state. She was drunk, he was high. Both not wanting to think about responsibilities because why would they. In this state, there was nothing they would care about. Escaping from the reality they both hated for different reasons, each one in their own world, but still somehow connected. Not physically, but mentally. Somehow. She didn’t know how. Never wanted to understand that completely.

She stared at him, admiring his sharp profile. An angel incarnate, indeed. His nose was something else. It had the shape like she has never seen before, round and delicate, so beautiful she always wanted to touch it and tell him how much she liked the view.

The number of piercings he had in his ears. she loved every piece of it, flat, round, a simple dot, helix, cross. They fit so perfectly to him it was ridiculous. The way it shone with his every move, even the slightest one.

The choker he wore, his leather jacket. All black, it was always only black. As if black was his happy colour. She felt like that. She loved it. She wanted to touch it and feel the coldness of the leather and the metal buttons. She believed it would feel so good in contrast with his warm skin. At least she thought it would be warm. That’s how she always imagined it. Warm and soft. To be honest, he looked more like a fallen angel. Dark and dangerous.

He looked at her, eyes half lidded and with unclear expression. It wasn’t like he didn’t like her. She was pretty, more like the average type of girl. He liked that type.

“You´re drunk.” He commented watching her having troubles staying still in place.

“And you´re high.” Her vision became blurry.

“Guilty.” He said and puffed from the cigarette between his fingers. She watched him, his slow and delicate moves, watching the light of the cigarette and she imagined how it would feel if he touched _her_ like that. Softly and with pleasure.

He blew in front of him and she frowned because she couldn’t see his beautiful face anymore. When the dim disappeared, she found him staring at her.

“Wanna try?” came the suggestion.

“I never had a joint.”

“There´s the first time in everything.” He said, with a little-almost-none smile, still staring at her.

“I don’t know…”

“Are you afraid?” he asked.

“A little.”

“You don’t know unless you try.”

“I don’t know how to do that, I´ve never had a cigarette either.” She admitted shyly, refusing to look at him at that point.

But he chuckled a little, almost inaudibly. He didn’t respond but she could feel him moving slowly. She startled when she realized he moved closer to her. She could feel his perfume, even over the joint smoke.

“Look at me.” he said, patiently waiting for her to become comfortable again. When their eyes met once more, she melted in them. They were so dark and it wasn’t just her imagining things. It wasn’t just because she was drunk. She felt his hand move somewhere near her but she didn’t pay attention to it much.

“It´s simple. Just inhale deeply, as much as you can. You have to _feel_ it.” He gave the advice. “Open your mouth.”

He put the joint in his own lips and puffed on it hard. But it still looked so casual, he still looked like the most beautiful angel she has ever laid eyes on. He came even closer, their chests almost touching and that surprised her. She hitched her breath, not sure what to do about the sudden closeness.

His lips closed for a while, but only until he approached _her_ lips, still opened. When she felt the smoke coming through her parted lips, and when she realized it was _him_ who blew it there, her heart clenched. But she was determined not to choke or cough. As soon as the thought appeared in her mind, and she inhaled the sweet smoke, she knew it won´t be as she wanted. As much as she tried, she couldn’t hold back the cough, leaving Yugyeom chuckling again.

“The first one is always the worst.” He assured her, as if suggesting to try it again. And indeed, that was what she wanted. She wanted to do that again, and then one more time. Her mind went somewhere for a while so she didn’t notice he puffed on the joint again and moved to her face again. She started at his angelic features, her mind now thinking about nothing but his pretty and high face.

He moved _even further_ , their lips touching by millimetres of their skin. She parted her lips again, this time clearing her mind and melting herself into his presence, focusing on nothing in particular, definitely not on the smoke that tickled her on the nose.

He touched her lips more, closer and exhaled the smoke right there, as if he didn’t want to waste a single inch of it. She inhaled calmly, as much as she could, this time without coughing. Her pupils widened as the smoke reached her insides, her lungs and throat. It was burning her from inside, but it was a pleasant feeling.

Yugyeom stayed there for a while, waiting for the reaction and when she closed her eyes, she felt him smile against her lips. She wanted more. It was intoxicating. _He_ was intoxicating. She wanted to feel him once more. Just like he did few moments ago. She wanted to never end this moment. It felt calm.

“More.” She demanded when she heard the soft huff in front of her.

“You like it?”

She nodded. Who was she to disagree? She wanted to do it over again. Until the end of the night. And maybe even after that. As long as she could be with him.

She didn’t even realize it until the sharp smoke hit her throat again. Yugyeom had his lips now pressed fully against hers, blowing out the smoke into her. Her chest rose when she inhaled everything he gave her again, feeling it touch his own chest. But no more touch came. This was the closest she could get to him. At this point? Ever? Maybe. Maybe she can´t even heal him from his uncomfortable feeling from touching with others. Maybe she is just thinking too much, thinking she is too good and too capable.

His lips were so soft. She never wanted to part from him. Her head felt dizzy, maybe she would even fall. Her knees could give out in any minute. And she couldn’t rely on him to catch her. He didn’t have to. She was nothing to him. He could leave her there and never come back.

But he too felt like staying there with her, letting her get close to him. Maybe he could try it. Maybe it wasn’t that bad. Maybe the bad past experience could be replaced by new one. A good one, pleasant one. And she was there. Not only this time. She was there many times, he didn’t even have to ask for it. She would come herself. As if she knew exactly when he wanted to have someone by his side. Someone he could be silent with. They didn’t talk much when they were together. They didn’t touch. It was as if she understood him even without words.

She felt the tickling in her fingers, fighting the urge to touch him, to pull him close, to feel his body on hers. But she resisted. She wouldn’t do anything unless he does himself. She would let him make the first move. If it doesn’t come, it will be okay either way.

They kissed for a while. Their first real touch since they knew each other. It felt nice. Almost as if they did it regularly. And maybe it would become their regular activity. No one could tell at that moment. Because right there, at that spot on the terrace of someone´s house, they were both immersed in their own minds, though still connected. Mentally, but now, also _physically_.

~ ~ ~

**Author's Note:**

> leave kudos if you liked it, i will appreciate


End file.
